bakit kaya lagi kita napapanaginipan sa birthday mo?

....

have got an inordinate amount of milk and some cream that will expire in 2 days. the plan is to bake 3 batches of banana cupcakes and put chocolate ganache icing on top.

any (reasonable) way you look at it, i am the most illogical choice for this. i am 8,000km away. i barely know them. i am not even going to be in that country for the baptism. i am not going to be in that country for any length of time from now until ever.

i bet if you ask the child, they would rather have someone who can actually be around. unless you are the typical native child and don't really care about presence, and only care about presents. of course what child will understand anything else? i certainly didn't until only a few years ago.

the whole situation is just so hypocritical, i cannot comprehend it. and these people are so narrow-minded there is no reasoning with them. because it is not reason that prevails in that country, it is only tradition. no matter the rationale. or rather the irrational.

day 29 on the alien planet

the coffee consumption has gone down since my sister left

and life has pretty much gone back to normal

not much is different now from before

pity i wasn't at my own wedding

fortunately there were lots of nice pictures

in another parallel universe, i took biochemistry as my major in college instead of computer science. i would have been part of the college of science instead of engineering. the college would have been full of girls, instead of guys. i would have been part of a literary club, with girl friends.

after college, i wouldn't even have any idea what kind of jobs biochemists have. i probably would have had more time to write. although i wouldn't have taken that job. that job that led to my writing my first book. or i might have written about a completely different job. i would have had more time to write more than one book.

i might have still left the country. i would still haven't had any idea what kind of job biochemists have in other countries. this country is an agrarian country. i might have gotten a job in the education industry, doing research. i might appreciate movies about biochemical warfare more.

in that parallel universe, that parallel me would probably be wondering what her life would be like if she had taken computer science instead of biochemistry. i wonder which one of us would claim to be happier?

i hate it when people find my rant blog.

my inner common sense voice says: so take it off the friggin' public internet.

it sounds really stupid. why would you put something you don't want people to read on a public blog?

i don't know. i write better when i'm irritated. and i need some sort of outlet for both writing and irritation.

and diaries are so passe.

it's easy to say you don't care. it's not so easy to write for an audience.

but it shouldn't matter who reads rants. especially if they're the ones bugging the crap out of you.

big year this year. turning 30, finally getting the house and fixing it up (looove furniture shopping), big holiday in april, wedding planning nightmare pending. how hard could it be? everyone's making it sound like such a chore, as i'm sure it could be. but surely if you took all the fluff away and ignored everyone else's advice or input, what is it? it's really just a couple of phone calls and some spreadsheeting.

turning 30. apparently it's a big deal. have no idea what i should be doing. for some reason, in this house birthdays don't mean much. need to bring a cake to work. just to make it festive. not much else expected. i hate this season. from christmas, over new years, until my birthday. it's just a string of supposed celebrations that i hadn't done and won't be doing this year. usually celebrations require friends and family. it's just so glaringly obvious that i don't have either here. relatively easy making new friends. just too tired to maintain them anymore.

finished season 1 of castle. castle is very weird. it sounds like a good idea. but i guess it's really hard to keep up a good idea. bits of funny moments. and then some just too stereotypical and cliche. screenplay gets too cheesy or reaching at points and plots getting more unextraordinary by the episode. but sticking with it. see if season 2 can redeem it, evolve it, transform it, transcend it. and basically just really entertained by nathan fillion.

i woke up, went to work, went home, did laundry. will have dinner. might go out to look at something.

people all at work greeting everyone and seeming happy. still had two meetings today. had to rush finishing up work before the long weekend that lasts two weeks. longest stretch of time that i would not be working, where i hadn't planned to do anything and go anywhere. feels kind of weird.

just another day.

tomorrow will be just another day too. wake up, eat stuff, do laundry again, go to dinner at some house that it doesn't matter who owns it and who's there as long as there's food. will open presents and look happy and appreciative. like it makes a difference.

day after, will wake up, eat stuff, go window shopping, do more laundry, have lunch and dinner...what else is new...?

new year's eve...new year's day... just...more days that mean nothing. wake up, eat stuff, do laundry, sleep. like it makes a difference.

empty songs. empty music. empty faces.

just another day.

...

i wish i were more into weddings.. then maybe all this cra--stuff would be a lot less begrudging work...